Exams

Looming examinations means I will be unable to perv on cyclists untill the 19th of June. Whereupon i intend on being throughly drunk for about a month. I might sober up in time for the tour.
See you in France! I'll be the one spray painting "It's Millar Time"

I have been Biased. Sorry McGee

I know McGee crashed too. And I'm sure plenty of others..The Giro is bad!
I was far too fixated on The Moustache. When McGee should have been my primary concern! He is in my Fantasy Giro team after all!
And I am loosing spectaularly btw!
I also feel the need to talk about Chris Hoy. Later though.
This was just McGee apology time :P

Zab..

I apologize for going on about him so much!
Fractured an L1 vertebrae :(
Also, Cav just came 9th. So got me a few points in my fantasy team, lol.
I hate having to be somewhere with no giro coverage during the day :(

Scamp is in love

With Zabriskie's Moustache.
swoon.

I <3 David Zabriskie's Moustache

It's totally official. It's a damn fine bit of Facial Hair!
Poor boy crashed today though.
I only just got back from work, so I am not really with it right now.
I just needed to say how much I appreciate it. And how much I will piss seeing it in the peloton. and him on the podium. Till the tour dear friend, till the tour!

Giro Day 1

Firstly, Slipstream! I think Slipstream are the best thing ever. Not only do they have a delightful Argyle jersey...they have the delicious David Millar.

“We've been working really hard this past week and we've been learning really quickly. We finally started gelling yesterday. We rode it perfectly, there's nothing to say, we earned that victory through hard work and through details. We've done everything, all the equipment has been perfect, we warmed up with ice-vests, we didn't miss one detail.”

Perfect indeed David..perfect! But I swear to god he was on the phone on the podium. Poor form old boy, poor form! Oh he is a scamp.

My second point. Look at this here picture of the very delightful Dave Zabriskie. I, by the way, adore his facial hair! (Close up further down) I love it with every fibre of my being, honest to god. And also he looked so happy as he showered people in champagne. But who wouldn't.
He also did a delightful little dance as he strutted across the podium is a way not dissimilar to my Mick Jagger/chicken strut. And that angle really makes his legs look delicious, also not dissimilar to a chicken.
My issue is, what he was wearing on his feet. It was a brief fleeting view, but I swear to god the man was....wearing crocs? I would really like some back up here, to prove I am not insane? ON that picture you can just about see the tips and ankle of what I severely think are crocs. I ahve been doing some research, but on the podium it appears no one is photographing feet..which is a shame. I think I see a niche! I will get back to you on this one :|


Ok, next I think I said Christian Vande Velde? He is a scamp. A Scamp in pink! Who covered podium girls in champagne. I didn't really have much to say here other than just a congratulations.

Um...Have I mentioned how much I love David Millar? I think I haven't said it enough, beacsue I really honest to god do.
Roar, I swear I had something to say about the actual race.
Um, Robbie! What were you thinking! Stick together! Darrggh!
LPR Brakes have a cool jersey..at least I think it's then. I was mostly paying attention to if anyone was going to catch Slipstream. Huzzah!

Half way through TTT Giro

Slipstream raping. With Astana and tinkoff aftwerwards!
will have to wait and see I guess.

Slipstream = the secks. For having my dearest David Millar

....And Delicious - A Chris Hoy Post

Once upon a time, me and my brother were on our merry way to the 2008 UCI world track thingums in Manchester. And we were drinking Irn Bru. Conversation was something like:

Me: Pass me the irn bru
Brother: It's like Chris Hoy - Scottish and Strong. It's like his Urine or something
M: Yes....I always imagined it would be radioactive..... -takes big swig on Irn Bru-
B: ....AND DELICIOUS!
M: -spits drink all over self, chokes, splutters, irn bru soaked skirt ensues-

Why Mark Cavendish is gonna rape all those europeans this year

Intro: He is a Brit.

I made a Friend, who doens't appriciate Lycra men, look at this here picture. And he sulked for a long time afterwards.

He is british and is pretty damn good, and as of yet hasn't taken drugs or had a sex change (My figers are crossed!)

He keeps bloody winning the Madison! I love Track cycling. I especially love the Madison (even if it is a moment when Hoy isn't on the track..I can always watch him in track circle working down XD). Madison is so bloody crazy, aha.

Anyone who does track+Road is god in my opinion. I love watching the UCI track thingies up in Manchester......god I am lucky to be born into a family who thinks no amount of traveling is too much to watch a day of cycling.

Most Importantly: His sneaky-sneaky under Tom Boonens arm at the Grote Scheldeprijs . That was the best thing ever. Tom Boonen, the arrogant little thing :P

Mark Cavendish's birthday is 10 days before mine. I will post a tiny e-cake on here for him :P

But on my B-Day there will be two tiny e-cakes. One for Me, and one for the delightful Robert Gesink. BUT NONE FOR JOHN PRESCOTT. He wouldn't appriciate it :(

CONCLUSION: Yay for Brits.

US Postal..blimey!

I saw a large portly fellow, in a US EPOstal jersey.
I though to myself "Well, Lance Dopestrong has let himself go hasn't he!".
I also thought "He looks like Ullrich in the off season..hell he looks like Ullrich in his prime"
I then felt bad for uttering Dopestrong's name anywhere near my enskied and sainted Jan.
And for implying Jan was a fatty.
And then a tiiiny bit bad for saying the portly fellow was a portly fellow.
The only thing I do not regret is my hilarious Dopage related puns!

No update as much as a...

.....backlogged post on theTour of Flanders. Check it outttt.

Best Facebook notification ever!

"Alexander Vinokourov accepted your friend request."

David Millar - so Euro. Fake tan...so not euro.

But I am not euro. so la la la la la.
I am also pale as a ghost. Comes with the territory of being English I guess.
And, talking of Pale Skinned Britishness, today we meet David Millar. And going a few short of 101 reasons why....etc, I will stick to not numbering my love..

Millar, is Scottish, and not on drugs. He was once, and got a stupidly long ban that was blatantly just because he wasn't French. This is when we conceived our "Justice For Millar" campaign in July 2004. For no real reason than we hate the French, and this seemed to piss them off a fair amount. Firstly, we wrote our protest on my brothers back......It seemed like an awesome idea at the time

Segundo,

There was some roadside protest. Reads "Don't Scapegoat Millar" hardly the greatest bit of grammar/syntax ever, but we think it made our point. I.e Millar shouldn't get a ban longer than the Frogs :P

Anyway, then in 2006, Millar was back with avengence. And some more roadside graffiti was needed.
This was a TT, somewhere in the middle of France. I am queen of Vague. Stage 19 I think. About 10 km from the finish, Millar, Moi, and "It's Millar Time" scrawled on the road. You can also just about see (in front of the Saunier Duval car)


M
I
L
L
A
R

written down the road. that was on both sides. From here on in, his time picked up a little, and I mostly claim that as my doing :P I got some seriously mean looks from the French on that roadside.

And I invite you witness SUPER CLOSE UP ACTION:

Which is far more smile than grimace in my opinion. Does vous not agree?

And that is my Millar exposé! Detailing how fun he is to support as the Frogs aren't big fans, and he is a Brit.

101 reasons why Tom Boonen is the perfect human

1) He was a member of US Postal and didn't succumb to le dopage (that we know of)
2) He won the Ronde van Vlaanderen, the Paris-Roubais and the E3 Prijs Vlaanderen all in one year.
3) He won the Ronde van Vlaanderen, the Paris-Roubais and the Worlds in one season.
4) Once a fellow cyclist said he was glad he would never have to race against Boonen again, as it was simply racing for second place.
5) He has very nice hair.
6) He is almost as hot as Cipo
7) He is the proud owner of a pair of Skull-Crushing Thighs.
8) Is forever posing naked for photos.
9) Belgian
10) Called The "Belgian David Beckham" but is far more attractive, intelligent, and better at his sport..and probably better at Beckham's as well.
11) If I can trick my friend Kevin into looking at pictures of him either nude or in Lycra, I win points.
12) He makes men question their sexuality --> I'd Do Boonen

With the benefit of hindsight, I can see 101 reasons was a little over zealous. But I think I made my point.

Robert Millar

ATTN: RANDOM RAMBLINGS OF A CYCLING NATURE


Robert Millar was really awesome. Well before my time, but I have heard and read enough to know he was Britain's best climber, hell, maybe even best Cyclist. And so I think my interest in his disappearance is well justified. But then I feel massively nosy and like I am rubber-necking, beacsue I want to know what happened to him. When he was clearly a man who didn't want people to know about him. I mean, he just pissed off and left his wife and kid. But one gets the impression he was never really kitted out for family life anyway.
Anyway, I feel like a bitch when I try o find out what happened, and the truth behind the rumors, as it is none of my business. But being in the public eye makes your business other peoples. And now I've gone off philosophizing like Angelo in Measure for Measure i.e. scooting over ones own sins to focus on the bigger picture.
Anywho, Robert Millar was cool. I love how rude and don't-waste-my-time, I-don't-suffer-fools-at-all-let-alone-gladly he was. Climbers are more introverts than sprinters I have noticed from my extensive being a tourslut.
And I have lost my train of thought due to the arrival of Jasmine tea.

Um...Robert Millar, the second best Scottish guy called Millar who cycles :P
Anyway, I cannot talk about Millar, much as it pains me, and not talk about the sex-change issue. Who cares! The guy was an amazing cyclist, and now he is out of the public eye, out of the sport, what he does is his own bloody business. And I'm sure, if he is, He makes a wonderful woman. He already had the pretty hair down to a T. So euro :P Sadly it wasn't at the time though. I'm sure it would go down a treat in the peloton nowadays...if he'd just slick it back.

Here be tales of Flanders

05/04/08

Apres Work, I wandered off home, and had to finish packing. Gosh I'm awful. Anyway at like, 10:30 it was time to drive off to dover. Which was dull, I snoozed, seagulls are huge, the usual. Then on the ferry, I would have snoozed, but my father got there first, so i stayed up to guard the fort. Et totally forgot to get my money changed, which proves annoying later on in this trip. I am also now into 06/04/08


06/04/08

It was now a Sunday. As you may well be aware, France doesn't exist on a Sunday. So it was just driving from Calais to Ypres, Belgium, were stuff does exist on a Sunday. Mas importante, however, It is the Day of the Tour of Flanders. So firstly, we thought to watch it at the feed station! I did not get any bidons or musettes, as elderly Dutch man clearly wanted them more than I did. I let him take them all, he is bound to die soon, I shall let him have this last scrap of joy. Watching from a feeding station is mucho awesome. As they go a bit slower because no one attacks at a feeding station, unless you are slimey -coughitaliancough-, and have engery bars in their mouths like little puppies in lycra. And then wag their tails. no maybe not that one.


Desgraciadamente, I was rather ill at this point, so as we continued to our second point of watching, I get sorta, falling asleep for no damn reason. So as we positioned ourselves, bottom of a cobbled hill, around a sharp corner over a railway crossing, in the rain i.e. the most amazing spot ever. ...I mostly stayed in the car and snoozed and ate cherrios. I did see the stragglers though, which is always the best bit, to cheer as loud at ones little lungs allow. I am rubbish at this aren't I! I would make a piss poor comentator "oh.yeah..lycra woosh..nap time now". Then back to Ypres, and the bloody freezing campsite of doom. Which is really a very nice little place, but no one wants to camp in such cold conditions, tis disheartening. Oh, and wet. Very very wet. I cooked pasta and hot dog sausages in a tomato sauce. I also cooked this the next day, and the next, and the next, oh and possibly the next. My advice to you dearest ones, is do not under any circumstances, camp in April, unless you have skin made of fire or something equally warm. Its hard enough sleeping on the floor if you aren't a hardened camper like your humble narrator here, but in the time of year when you wake up with frost on the tent..ouch!
I hasten to add, that I have been camping since I was like, small enough to be washed in a washing up bowl. And been watching the Tour De France since I was about 7. This makes me sad, and a twit.
Anyway, Stijn Devolder won the Ronde de vlaandadntrosbgajdkj as I like to call it.


07/04/08

Here abouts all the days start to roll into one big Flemish blob. I have a suspicion, that on this day we went to The Ronde de Vlandasnbyfklaklg museum, or some war museums, or both. Or neither.
Certainly, what we did first, was boogey into Ypres centrum, and visit Old Toms tea shop. To drink tea, and marvel that two hours parking in Ypres centrum costs 50€cents....50 CENTS. Well I never. I really do love Belgium.
I also discovered the joy of being on the side of the road where you can see the people going the other way best. Hours of fun, and thats just with le cyclists! I forget the rwsr of the holiday Up untill the Gent-Wevelgem. So I might gloss over everything but that.

09/04/08

Gent-Wevelgem - A race almost as fun to say as it is to watch! Also, a race where I discovered The Kemmelburg, in all it's pavé glory! Roads get closed quite early, so we set of to find a parking space in the morning. After milling around for ages trying to find the ruote, and sharing the odd confusing shrug with all English motorists....we finnaly found ourselevs ina step asent on cobbles. C'est Magnifquie! Le Kemmelburg! And all I can say to anyone who can cycle up it is Chapeau ! Well and Truley! That thing is a beast. Anywho. We found a Maison de Crepe - which didn't have any crepes that day btw. Which was full of old european men, which was great, honestly. And spent like, 3 hours drinking pots of tea untill we could be bothered to haul oursevlves, and the foldey chairs, and lunch, up the hill. So it wasbout 1, and we are sitting on a bank on the side of the top of the road hereabouts. And the race does nay come past till 3:15 : Many jambon sandwhiches were had, and I read msot of my book, as the place started filling up, and I was getting crushed to the barrier by Frogs. (At this point I had folded up the chairs).

A spaniard had made a break away, on his own, poor chap. He was being chased by two or three other guys. As he went past there were much hushed whisperings, people looking at their start list, craning to see his Number. Who is this mystrery Spaniard? Then the good old classic lycra woosh, or the straining muddied grimacing peloton. And the bit were the whole crowd join together in mutual love and a wee bit of pity- the Straglers, the ones who couldn't give a shit about winning, and mostly just don't want to die in a Tommy Simpson sort of incident. Every book about cyclign I have ever read, the cyclist talks of the crowd jeering if they are left behind, and on their merry way to being the Lanterne rouge, or far worse, disqualified. But...Never is a crowd so united, as when they are cheering themselves hoarse for the guys at the back. It's when we, the spectators, learn all the different eurpoean cultural equivilents to "COME OONNNNN". And so the lycra has gone. Spanish guy next to me took out his Saunier Duval Hat, wedged it firmly on his head, pointed at it grinning, turning to me, and the french guy on the other side. And then, walked off. "Um..mate....they come back round again...?". But he has gone off into the woods. Weird man. Second lap, Spanish guy still ahead I think. This bit escapes, me, if you want time checks see cyclingnews. Lycra woosh, me and my dad shouting across to road to each other "WHAT NUMBER IS CAV?" "IS THAT HIM?" "I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT HIGH ROADS JERSEY LOOKS LIKE" "...IT'S WHITE" "TAKE PICTURES!"

Thats all I can be bothered with right now. I will write up my Tour Memoirs as I go so as to not be so useless!

Ken is Dead, Long Live Boris!

Today, is the day. The day we have all been waiting for. The beginning of the glorious Tory Revolution! I for one am excited as an excited thing on excited pills.

More Importantly, I have a blog! I am not sure why, but I was bored, as I debated going out on my bike and looking like a pillock, possibly falling off and breaking some more bones. I still have a leg intact in the god of fractures want to have it *touch wood* What I require is someone equally unfit who wants to go bike rides with me :( But alas.

Also, the Blog is called Kemmelburg, as it is my favorite mountain :) It is in the west of Flanders, and played a very important part in the Gent-Wevelgem. Eventually, I will backtrack and write a lil something about my trip to Flanders, and how much my heart aches to go back to it.
And I am called Scamp, as I am a Scamp.

That is all for now, S'laters
Scamp